


ain't no lie

by rulesofthebeneath (radishphilosophy)



Category: Choices: High School Story: Class Act (Visual Novel)
Genre: Ballet, Biphobia, F/M, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, Musicals, Secrets, Theatre, the tempest (shakespeare)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radishphilosophy/pseuds/rulesofthebeneath
Summary: Everyone had always assumed Ajay was gay, ever since an ex outed him. Secretly, though, he's always known his identity was more complicated than that.
Relationships: Ajay Bhandari/Main Character (High School Story: Class Act)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

The first time he’d ever told anyone, it was his first boyfriend, and he was met with a sarcastic snort.

“Come on, ‘Jay. That’s just what gay guys say when they’re scared to come out all the way. You can’t be both gay and straight, you have to choose.”

He was fourteen, and had no idea what to make of any of his feelings, much less the weird ones that made his heart beat faster and made butterflies storm his stomach. So he accepted that, and listened to Jake, who was older and wiser than him. 

“Are you sure?” he’d asked.

“Yeah. Wait, ‘Jay, do you not like me anymore?”

“What? Of course I do.”

“Oh, good. I was scared you were trying to break up. But I don’t know why you’d say something as crazy as that. You know you can always talk to me, okay?”

Ajay nodded, but deep inside he sincerely doubted that. In retrospect, it was the first of several red flags that had led to a less-than-happy ending for him and Jake.

The next people he told were his parents. As far as Indian parents went, they were pretty open-minded, and hadn’t really cared about him liking guys. He’d even been able to bring home boyfriends or school dance dates without making too many waves with his parents. They didn’t really understand why he couldn’t just date a nice girl, but they loved him anyways, and he knew he was lucky.

But when he’d said he liked both guys and girls, he was met with polite parental confusion.

“What? But you only go out with boys, putra,” his mom had said. “You’ve never brought a girl home. How do you know you like both, hm?”

It was an excellent point. Ajay couldn’t explain how he knew he liked girls, just like he couldn’t explain why he liked guys. But he just did.

His father shook his head. “No, no, no. You’ll have to choose someday. You don’t have to hide yourself and pretend you like girls just to make us happy. You know we love you.”

Ajay hadn’t even known how to respond to that one, so he’d just nodded and excused himself from dinner. He’d never brought it up again.

He’d posted anonymously on a forum for gay youth that he’d found, but hadn’t recieved much other than “that’s not real”, “you can’t like both”, “you have to choose”, “so you’re a cheater?” and “you’re just saying that because you’re scared of committing to life as a gay guy”. 

It wasn’t long before he’d just logged out completely, questioning himself. Did he just think he was attracted to girls because he felt like he had to be? Because society said guys were supposed to like girls? Was it true that he was scared of being gay, because of all the homophobia he’d have to face? Especially as a second-generation Indian, he was expected to life the perfect heterosexual American lifestyle, getting a good job and having two or three kids and making his family back in India proud of their success story. Even though his parents knew he was gay and didn’t care, nobody else in his family knew. He hated to think what they’d say about him if they did. They already talked smack about Ajay’s only openly gay cousin, Aditya, and Ajay knew he was basically dead to the family.

So was he just pretending he liked girls to escape the full ramifications of being gay? It was possible, he thought, but probably not. He’d never had a girlfriend or even been on a date with a girl, but that was due to an unfortunate outing incident orchestrated by his ex (another of those red flags he’d ignored). 

Despite the fact that he was outed, though, he’d found a group of friends who had thoroughly supported him. Rory, in all of their genderfluid nonbinary aro/ace glory, Clint and Natalie whose sexualities seemed to be oriented towards whichever gender Rory presented as on a given day, Skye who was a goth sapphic icon, James who was the token straight ally, Trevor who was so deep in the closet that Ajay doubted he’d come out this century, then two mysteries. 

One was Erin, Ajay’s longtime best friend. He knew she liked guys, but he didn’t know if she only liked guys or if she liked other genders too. He wasn’t about to ask, though, because asking her would lead to her asking him, and he wasn’t quite prepared for that.

The other was Grace, James’ twin sister. As far as James was known as a heartbreaker, Grace didn’t appear to have dated anybody. Or at least, she didn’t talk about it and neither James nor Rory, who’d known her since childhood, said anything about it either. And again, he wasn’t about to ask because of the possibility of the awkward return question.

All his friends would pick on him, good-naturedly, about just how gay he was– how he always dressed sharp, his hair was always neatly combed and occasionally slicked back with gel, how he liked theatre way more than a straight guy could ever, the fact that he couldn’t do math, how his best friend was a girl, his taste for iced lattes, his distaste for anything athletic. Erin had even caught him doing a facemask one morning, and had teased the living hell out of him for it. Ajay didn’t see the big deal– he just wanted to keep his skin clear– but was willing to accept that basic hygiene and skincare were not something that straight men typically did.

It was all in good fun, and Ajay knew that, and he would even laugh along with his friends when they pointed that stuff out. It was funny, he could admit that. And he was gay— that was the only part of his sexuality that was easy for him to admit. He’d found comfort in that label, even though it wasn’t the full story. 

In all honesty, he was scared to be openly bisexual. Coming out as gay to his parents after being forcibly outed at school was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he couldn’t imagine doing it again. And how would he explain that he liked both guys and girls? He’d seen what they said on TV and in the movies, even in some books. Bisexuals are promiscuous, bisexuals are cheaters, all bisexuals choose to be either gay or straight eventually. It’s just a phase. 

In previous years, in weaker moments, he’d wished he could just be gay. After a particularly disastrous encounter with a girl named Kelly and his very unfortunate crush on her, he’d cursed himself for liking girls when everyone knew he was gay. He tried to convince himself to be gay, to just only like guys, but it never took.

It never took, and it was one of the reasons he resented Rory, who was unapologetically themself. Rory didn’t care what people said, and either way they weren’t interested in dating. Rory had it good, anyways. They had parents who loved them, accepted them unconditionally, and had even thrown them a coming out party. They were just a far braver person than Ajay was, and Ajay wished he could have their accepting family and their confidence and just be who he was. 

Ajay sat down heavily at the lunch table, having gotten there surprisingly early. Rory sat there, picking at their lunch absent-mindedly while scrolling through their phone. Grace sat beside them, twirling her hair around her finger and completely ignoring her lunch in favor of staring at something across the cafeteria. Ajay followed her line of sight but only saw the new poster advertising their spring musical, The Tempest. 

Grace had snagged the lead role of Miranda after making her high school theatre debut as the lead in their fall play. It was her sophomore year, after she and her brother transferred from a school in Seattle when her parents decided to move back to their hometown and start their own business, a small diner called the Golden Griddle. Grace herself was an impressive actor, and even though Ajay didn’t want to admit it, she was an impressive person as well. 

She turned her head as if snapping out of a trance, looking towards Ajay.

“Hey,” she greeted him. “Just checking out the new posters. I didn’t see them before.”

That’s right, Ajay reminded himself. Of course she might not have seen them until now. She had been noticeably absent from rehearsal yesterday, where Skye and Mr. Olsen had presented the new posters and the entire group had spent the last half-hour putting them up all over the school. It hadn’t been a huge deal- there were plenty of scenes that needed blocking, and Ajay had just had Skye stand in for Grace where it was needed. But he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t concerned, especially since he’d seen her twin heading home from soccer practice.

“Yeah, we put them up during rehearsal yesterday.”

“About that,” she started, looking uneasy. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to rehearsal yesterday. I… wasn’t feeling well, and I had to go home early.”

Ajay furrowed his brows. Grace looked so uncomfortable while she was saying that that it was obvious it was a lie, or at least not the entire truth. He wanted to ask her about it, but then James loudly sat down beside her, chatting with Erin, and he dropped it. Grace looked relieved at her brother’s interruption. Ajay shook it off– it didn’t really matter anyways. But he was worried all the same.

“Stop pouting,” Erin interjected,shooting him a ferocious glare. He was so surprised that the frown slipped off his face, causing the whole table to break out into giggles. Even Grace, which eased the worry a little. He shot a fake glare Erin’s way, then had to dodge another glare. 

Skye, Natalie, Clint and Trevor showed up not long after, and Rory finally looked up from their phone.

“Hey,” they said. “How was everyone’s morning?”

Skye groaned. “Math test. Kill me now, before my parents see my grades.”

Grace rolled her eyes. “You know you got this, Skye. You knew everything on that test when we were studying last night.”

“Test anxiety is a bitch, though,” Trevor added. He prodded Skye’s shoulder. “I get it. We can’t all be the modern-day Einstein.”

“I resent that,” Grace mumbled, though a small smile remained on her face. 

“I signed up to take the SAT at the end of the year,” Erin interjected. “I’m starting SAT prep tutoring this weekend. Three hours on both days.

The entire table except Ajay cringed. “Me too,” he admitted. “I’m gonna need a lot of help if I want a good score on the math section. I can’t make heads or tails of some of this trig stuff.”

Privately, he’d been thinking of asking Grace to help him out after rehearsal. She was already helping Skye on weekends, and though he couldn’t pay her like Skye’s parents could, he thought he’d offer to buy her dinner if she agreed. But that thought remained stuck inside his head, some part of him inexplicably nervous about being alone with her.

While he was caught up in his thoughts, wondering why the girl made him nervous and furiously trying to ignore that part of him, the conversation at the table had continued on without him. James jabbed Grace with his elbow and she jabbed him back. Erin and Rory talked about the college application process, Erin admitting that she wouldn’t be trying for any BFA Drama programs. Clint and Natalie hung on to Rory’s every word, echoing their indignation that Erin wouldn’t pursue drama in higher education. Skye and Trevor talked about set design, Skye even whipping out her sketchbook to add in some details. 

By the time Ajay regained attention of the conversation around him, triggered by Erin asking him about that week’s rehearsal schedule, Grace had already zoned back out of the conversation, staring at the poster again. Ajay frowned again. What was up with her?

“Earth to Ajay”, Erin said. “We were arguing over which team was better, softball or soccer. What do you think?”

  
Ajay quirked an eyebrow. “Erin, I don’t do sports.”

“I don’t know why not. They’re fun! Even just to watch.”

“You know full well I have a complete aversion to any physical activity. But I guess if I had to choose, I’d say soccer.”

Erin nodded knowingly, a smirk playing on her lips. “I can see that. Scoping out the hot guys, are we?”

Ajay sighed “Sure,” he said, trying to sound as defeated as possible. Erin knew how he’d dated Jake a while ago, and he was now the team captain in his senior year at Berry. Erin had a theory that he still held a torch for the guy, though, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The only games he went to anymore were the ones that the whole theatre group went to with Grace to support James. Even though James wasn’t cast in the musical, he was an honorary part of the crew, having stepped in with his calm demeanor during various theatre emergencies. Everyone liked the guy– it was impossible not to– and they made up the loudest group on the bleachers cheering for him.

The only reason Ajay still liked soccer was because it was the only sport he understood. Jake had made sure he’d known everything about soccer, talking about it constantly. Ajay knew his ex planned to play pro soccer in Europe after graduation. Ajay had grown into a soft spot for the game that didn’t end when his relationship with Jake had.

The bell rang to signal that lunch was over, and everyone got up except Ajay and Grace. Ajay, because he was still reeling over the exchange, and Grace, because she was still lost in space, staring at that poster.

“Hey,” he said to her, barely able to make himself heard over the chatter in the cafeteria. “You okay?”

Grace’s eyes snapped to Ajay’s, looking startled for a half-second. “Oh, yeah, just distracted,” she said unconvincingly. She started to gather her stuff, and Ajay echoed her.

He fell into the crowd beside her, trying to make their way through into the hallway. Ajay screwed up all his courage to ask her about tutoring, because he really did need that extra math help.

“Hey, so, I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with my math stuff? I’ll be working on the SAT problems on the weekends but I’m falling dangerously behind in class again. I can’t really pay you but I can buy you dinner or something?”

Grace looked over, a little surprised. “Oh, yeah, sure. You don’t need to buy me dinner, though. I don’t charge my friends.”

“You don’t? But don’t Skye’s parents pay you?”

Grace looked a little embarrassed. “They insisted, and I tried to resist but Skye told me it was just a drop in the bucket for them. So really, I don’t need anything.”

“If you’re sure,” Ajay said. “But if there is anything I can do to repay you, I’ll do it.”

Grace paused for a moment. “Um… if you could help me with English it would be great. I don’t know what any of these old British writers are saying.”

“Sure, that stuff can be hard to digest. Sounds like a good deal for me.”

“Alright. Think we could hit up a coffee shop or a fast food place or something, say twice a week after rehearsal?”

Ajay nodded. “Thanks, Grace.”

“No, thank you,” she smiled. “See you at rehearsal.” Then she ducked her head and disappeared into the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rehearsal, the first tutoring session, and secrets

The rest of the school day passed in no particular order. Ajay’s math class was torture as usual, sitting in the back and trying to look like he knew the answer to a question when the teacher was on the prowl for the kids who didn’t understand. He never understood why she did that-- did she enjoy embarrassing students in front of the whole class?

Luckily it worked today, and Ajay was able to pass the hour unnoticed. He was good at Chemistry and even better in Drama 3, which were the only two classes he actually found fun. Then it was rehearsal time, and he and Erin were already conveniently in the auditorium.

Ajay referenced the schedule for the scenes that he planned to block today. He had only called Grace, Rory and Jordan to rehearsal that day- Miranda, Ferdinand and the Wizard respectively. There were about four scenes and three songs involving just the three of them, and since they were all experienced actors he didn’t expect the blocking to take as long as some of the large ensemble scenes would. The ensemble and the rest of the named characters were either rehearsing the songs or the dances, so he could pull them out if they ran early and he wanted to run another scene.

A few minutes after the final bell, Skye materialized beside him, script in hand. He silently slid his written schedule over to her, and she wrote it down on a blank page in her binder.

That was the thing about Ajay and Skye– they functioned like siblings. Ajay rarely had to say anything out loud, he could just turn and look at Skye and she’d already be writing whatever it was down. He created and she documented, he had ideas and she turned them real. They were a well oiled machine, and besides that, Skye was quickly becoming a good friend of his. She had been closed off from the theatre group for the entirety of her freshman year and through most of the fall play this year, but some of Rory’s bonding activities and plenty of time spent around Ajay, who was about as calm as they came, had convinced her to open up a little. The entire crew, especially Grace, had stepped up to help her with a tough family situation.

The theatre group truly was a little family, and Ajay felt lucky to be a part of something so close-knit and loving. Sure, they fought sometimes, and sure, everyone had their secrets, but what fun was a friend group without anything juicy to dig up during parties? As the auditorium doors opened to present the lead trio of The Tempest, Ajay pulled his head out of the clouds, and they got to work.

Although Ajay would never admit it, Rory was one of his favorite actors. The teen could really do anything, could play such a wide variety of comedic and dramatic roles. That was rare to find in an actor. Even more rare was finding such a talented actor who didn’t stick up their nose at comedic roles. Rory never gave off that “serious actor” vibe like so many of the other actors at Berry did.

Jordan was a classic at Berry. She was a veteran actor and now, in her senior year, acted as a theatre mom to the cast and crew. She was talented, but not a natural like Rory was. Ajay had seen firsthand how hard she worked to achieve the same things that came naturally to the younger leads like Rory and Grace. He knew she must spend hours every night going over her blocking, memorizing her lines, and practicing her singing. And she was still never bitter that everything came easier for others.

Grace had been performing all her life, and it showed. She never looked more comfortable than when she was onstage. She could be intense about her acting sometimes– Ajay hadn’t forgotten the week when she’d gone full method for a week during their fall rehearsals– but it worked for her. She was one of the most determined people he’d ever met, and that characteristic followed into her performance.

The trio was a dream to work with, and Ajay had known his casting was perfect from the very first rehearsal. Rory’s and Grace’s chemistry was off the charts, and though Grace hadn’t worked with Jordan before, they assumed the parent-child relationship quickly both onstage and offstage. They blocked the scenes at a breakneck pace, Skye scribbling stage directions down as fast as she could, each of the three actors diligently noting their blocking in their scripts. Jordan seemed like she was almost off-script for the scenes, which impressed Ajay a great deal especially because the one in the middle tended to drag on and the older actor had a few lengthy monologues. Such was Shakespeare.

Working with his leads tended to make all of his worries disappear. It wasn’t that he disliked working with inexperienced actors, but it was much more labor-intensive. With Rory, Jordan and Grace, he could relax. They needed no prompting to get to work after breaks and weren’t afraid to ask questions about their blocking. He could joke around with them, and while it was a little weird ordering Jordan around since she was older, she never had a prideful complex about it.

As he’d expected, they ran early, but rather than call back the ensemble he decided to end the rehearsal. Skye went off to let the music teacher they were ending early, and the techs and actors started packing up their stuff.

Grace sidled up to him after a few minutes, and they left the auditorium together. 

“Good job in rehearsal,” Ajay said before he could stop himself. Grace raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t common for Ajay to hand out praise, and though Grace had worked hard that day, it was hardly out of the ordinary.

“Um, thanks,” she replied. “I’ve been listening to the score Aiden gave us nonstop. It’s really good.”

Ajay and Aiden had worked together over winter break and most of January on the musical adaptation of The Tempest. It had been a pet project of Aiden’s, encouraged by his parents Jordan, for about a year. Just listening to Aiden’s demos of the score was enough to impress Ajay: Aiden must be some kind of musical prodigy. 

In the beginning of their working together Ajay had developed a bit of an embarrassing crush on the senior, but he was able to easily reconcile the attraction into purely admiration for the guy’s talent. Not that it would have mattered anyways, given that Aiden had been happily dating Jordan for a little over a year, but Ajay was still glad that mess had resolved itself.

For all that Ajay liked to pretend he was a stoic person who was too emotionally mature for wild teenage emotions, that wasn’t even remotely true. He was just as prone to embarrassing crushes as the next teenager. He just did a much better job of hiding the crushes, especially the ones he had on girls, than he had done before.

“Isn’t it? When I listened to it the first time, it was almost a religious experience.”

Grace laughed. “Same here! I keep choreographing my own dances to some of the songs. Especially that one ballad that Ferdinand has after the Wizard condemns his relationship with Miranda. I just keep wanting to…” She started humming the tune, then danced a few steps as if on pointe, even though she wore old sneakers. “Ah, well. You get the picture.”

Ajay nodded, even though he really didn’t. He wasn’t much of a dancer. Sure, he’d picked up a few steps as needed when he was an actor, but he wasn’t proficient in much besides waltzing and the occasional two-step when it came to non-theatre dancing.

Grace was the opposite: she’d been dancing since a very young age, as she’d informed him when she’d performed unexpectedly well in the dance portion of tryouts. Nobody in the theatre group had known that– Grace’s ability to keep secrets was somewhat unnerving– but he had considered putting her in the ensemble solely for her dance abilities. In the end he decided against it, because nobody gave off the sweet and naive Miranda vibes quite as much as she did.

“Do you still take dance classes?” he asked.

“Mm, yeah but not as much as I used to. I really just have two right now, a repertoire class and a modern class at the studio over near Hearst. I used to be in the youth performing company in Seattle, and I was at practice about four hours every night plus performances on weekends. Only clocking three hours a week feels like vacation.”

“That sounds like a lot,” Ajay admitted. “Like tech week every week.”

Grace nodded. “It was. That’s why I stopped when we came here. There’s a youth company in Eugene, and my parents asked if I wanted to dance with them, but I’d kind of had enough of the dance company lifestyle by then.”

“Too many dance moms?” Ajay asked jokingly.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Grace said grimly. “My parents weren’t overinvolved in my dance ‘cause they were both working, and I never really cared, but all the other girls had their moms there and they’d give me the stink-eye big time when I outperformed their daughters. Not a day could go by without one of them passive-aggressively asking me where my mom was or if I needed a ride home.”

“Yikes,” Ajay said, not sure what to say to that. “So is that why you quit?”

“Yeah, that and some body issues. The teachers kept saying I was gaining too much weight, that I should diet and exercise more, and… I don’t know. Lots of the other dancers did everything the instructors said, but I started going down that path and it just felt wrong.”

“That’s one thing I don’t really get about dance culture. Ballet needs so much strength and flexibility, but they’re so obsessed with your weight too. It seems like a paradox.”

Grace nodded. “When I ate less, I could hardly make it through a class without starting to shake in the middle of a piece. And they wanted more. It was too much, I guess.”   
  


“I can’t blame you for that,” Ajay said. “I couldn’t deal with someone restricting what I eat.”

Grace smiled, and the pair reached Ajay’s car.

“You know, I don’t really regret quitting. I like theatre much more. It’s more interesting, I think.”

“Plus you get to sing,” Ajay added, getting in his car and starting the engine. “That’s probably my favorite part. So, um, where to?”

Grace thought for a minute. “How about that cafe near the highway? I go there all the time, they have good coffee and really good flatbread pizzas.”

“I’m sold,” Ajay said, steering out of the parking lot. 

“So what specifically do you need help on? Is it more trig stuff, or what?”

Ajay shook his head and groaned. “It’s the damn trig identities. We’re starting proofs, and I don’t even understand the functions themselves, much less the identities.”

“Ooh,” Grace said, rubbing her hands together. “It’s been a little while since I’ve done the proofs, but we use the identities all the time in Calc 2. I could definitely stand to brush up on them, the teacher expects us to have all six memorized.”

“All… six?” Ajay asked, feeling a knot of dread form in his stomach.

Grace’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re just supposed to know the first three?”

She launched into an explanation of the other ones, but Ajay was so lost that he couldn’t follow what she was saying. He waved his hand weakly as they pulled into the parking lot of the cafe.

Rather than look discouraged, Grace’s smile only grew. Ajay couldn’t help but think that math mania was a good look on her. Her eyes were sparkling and her smile was addictive, so much so that Ajay just had to grin himself. 

“So, what’s the best thing to order here?” he asked as they got out.

“You’re a vegetarian, right? How do you feel about eggs?”

“They’re fine to eat, but I don’t really like them,” he said, a little surprised that she’d remembered his dietary preferences. 

“Okay, then I think you’ll like the tomato basil flatbread. It’s like a margherita pizza, but way better.”

“Alright,” Ajay said, “I’ll take your word for it. Want to split one, though? I don’t think I can eat a full meal right now, it’s still early.”

“Sure, that works.”

They went over to order, and a few minutes later dug into their communal flatbread in a booth near the middle of the quiet cafe.

“Wow, that was fast service,” Ajay said. 

“They’re usually busier around lunchtime and dinnertime,” Grace replied. She held out a weird muffin-looking pastry. “Want a bite?”

“What is it?”

“Inside out peanut butter cup. It’s my favorite thing in the world. The outside is like a flaky peanut-butter flavor cookie, and the inside is chocolate.”

Ajay had to admit, he was intrigued, so he reached over and broke off a small piece of the pastry, making sure to get a little of both parts. 

“Tastes like Reese's,” he noted. 

Grace laughed. “Basically, but better since it’s freshly baked.”

She dug into the pastry before even touching her half of the pizza. “I want to eat it while it’s warm,” she explained. “It’s the best part of the meal.”

Ajay sat back and sipped his latte, hot this time. “You’ve got some chocolate on your face,” he pointed out, then laughed when she stuck her tongue out at him but dutifully wiped it off.

“So,” she said, after having devoured the pastry with impressive speed. “Trig identities. Do you have your book?”

Ajay pulled the damned thing out of his backpack and tossed it on the table with disgust. The brightly colored cover seemed to mock him, making him think math could be tolerable at the very least when nothing but pain lay inside.

Grace immediately scooted the book over to her side of the table, flipping through the book until she found the page she was looking for. Then, she turned the book back towards Ajay.

“So,” she said, “these are the identities you need to know. Trig identities basically just form relationships between the trig equations. It makes it easier to define them, because you can define them in relationship to each other.”

“Okay, fine,” Ajay said, following along so far. “So, um, there’s sine, cosine and tangent, then there’s… um… cotangent…” he broke off.

“Yeah, then cosecant and secant. It’s easier to think of those last three in terms of the first three, though. So cosecant is one over sine, secant is one over cosine, and cotangent is one over tangent.”

As she was saying it, she pointed to them in the textbook.

“So they’re opposites,” Ajay concluded. “All the ones with ‘co’ in front correspond to one without ‘co’.”

“Yeah, exactly. The language here is great because it actually makes sense.”

“It does make it easier,” Ajay agreed. As a literature nerd, he had always been able to catch on to verbal patterns more easily than the faceless numbers and letters in math.

Slowly, but not too slowly, Grace led him through each identity, and before long he could reliably define all six of the equations.

“Nice,” Grace said approvingly.

“I get the feeling that’s just the easy part, though.”

“Unfortunately, yeah. Now we’re gonna solve some equations. Um, a lot of times you’ll have an equation where it would be easier to use sine rather than cosecant. So you have to figure out how to turn the expression from cosecant into sine, then the equation will be easier to solve.”

“Wait,” Ajay said, “you’re saying that this is math trying to make stuff easier?”

Grace snorted. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Ajay glared suspiciously at the book. “Why would it do that? Since when does math want to be easier?”

“Well, it’s mostly so you don’t have to waste time doing a bunch of really tedious calculations when you get to more advanced math.”

Ajay threw his hands up. “Then why do I have to learn it? I’m never gonna take calculus.”

“Never say never,” Grace reminded him. “And anyways, you have to learn it because the state of Oregon says you do if you want to graduate.”

“Ugh,” Ajay groaned. “Okay. Tell me how to make math easier.”

Grace walked him through several more practice problems, and even though Ajay didn’t like it, he had to admit that he did understand it better after about an hour of work. But finally, he begged off, insisting that it was his turn to help her with English.

“So,” he said, “what’re you doing in English?”

Grace wrinkled her nose. “1984,” she said. “It’s not the worst thing we’ve read this year, and it seems like it should be interesting but it’s just so  _ dense _ .”

“I love 1984,” Ajay said. “What part are you on?”

“The part where Winston and Julia start meeting in secret.”

Ajay nodded as Grace flipped to the right page. “Yeah, it’s kind of creepy how he talks about her, isn’t it?”

Grace nodded. “That’s not really surprising, though. You get used to seeing it. I’m just not really getting all the symbolism here, and the political stuff is kind of going over my head too.”

Ajay pulled up the Sparknotes for the novel and the two explored the book, looking through all the symbols. Ajay also summarized the plot to her, and after a couple read-throughs of particularly annoying paragraphs, it started to make more sense to her.

“Ugh,” she said after an hour, tossing the book aside. “I’m really not good at this.”

“You’re good at interpreting scripts, though.” Ajay pointed out.

“Those are shorter,” Grace grumbled. “Do you want another coffee? I need another.”

“Sure. Do you need a ride home?”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.”

Ajay started packing up while Grace went to get their refills, finally having a moment to parse through some of his thoughts.

Grace had always been the mediator in their group- the one who was always up for a talk, who could handle any secret no matter how heavy. She’d kept Rory’s mother’s cancer secret from the group until Rory was ready to tell everyone, she’d kept Skye’s secret about her parents until Skye was ready to talk about it. Everyone seemed to want to confide in her, and it was for a good reason: she had a perfect track record of keeping trust, and would rather listen than talk. 

Ajay wondered what she’d think if he told her he was bi. He couldn’t imagine the sweet, mild-mannered girl reacting badly, but he didn’t want it to change the way she saw him. He also didn’t want to take advantage of her by pouring all his troubles into her lap and expecting her to sort them out. She wasn’t a therapist.

He was deep in thought about it when Grace reappeared at the table, sliding his latte over to him. 

“Oh, thanks. What do I owe you?”

Grace waved it off. “I owe you gas money anyways, so it’s no big deal. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

They got in the car and it was silent for a bit. Grace looked lost in thought, and Ajay kept his eyes on the road, sparing a few glances at the beautiful sunset settling over the town. After a few minutes, though, Grace broke the silence.

“Hey, can I ask you something kind of random?”

Ajay was a little taken aback, but nodded. His mind raced. Did she know, somehow, about his conflicting thoughts? Had she found out that he was bi? He wasn’t prepared to answer that kind of question, and his thoughts spun out of control trying to come up with a better strategy than clamming up if that’s what she asked.

“Um, did your parents teach you their native language? Like when you were growing up?”

That wasn’t what Ajay had been expecting. 

“Oh! Um, yeah. We speak Hindi at home, so it’s kind of my first language, but they made sure I learned English at the same time.”

Grace just hummed and looked out of the car window.

“Why?” Ajay asked, fully aware that he might be prying.

“I was just wondering what’s normal. I want to learn Mandarin, I think. My birth parents were Chinese, and I guess I never thought about learning their language, but I think it might help me feel closer to them.”

Ajay bit his lip. “Does James want to learn, too?”

Grace shook her head. “He’s worried that trying to reconnect with our birth culture makes us less American, or like we’re not really Lees. I don’t know if I should ask my parents to take lessons or something.”

“Did they ever teach you about your Chinese heritage?” Ajay pressed a little more. He hadn’t even known the twins were Chinese, although he did know they’d been adopted. It just went to show how closed-off Grace could seem.

“A bit. I mean, we celebrate Chinese New Year and the Mid-Autumn Festival. And I know how to use chopsticks. Recently, I’ve tried listening to C-Pop, but it just makes me feel kind of lonely. Like that’s what I could’ve been.”

Ajay thought for a second. “I don’t think wanting to connect to your Chinese culture makes you any less American. I mean, I speak Hindi, my family and I eat mostly Indian food, but I’m still American, you know? Just because I like being Indian doesn’t erase the fact that I’m American.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Grace admitted. Then she fell silent.

“I think you should ask for lessons, if you really want to learn Mandarin,” Ajay said after a few moments. “Worst case, you don’t like it and you stop the lessons. I’m sure your parents will understand.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. James, too.”

Grace smiled a little. “Okay, I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

The rest of the ride was silent, but it wasn’t awkward. Ajay could practically hear Grace thinking as she stared out of the window, but he didn’t interrupt her. He had a lot of thinking to do, too. She had just trusted him with something big, and he knew a freely given parcel of information about Grace’s life was hard to come by. He felt a little more comfortable with the idea of coming out to her, but something within him wasn’t quite ready yet. Like the idea that speaking it aloud would make it real.

So he dropped her off without incident, simply an awkward hug across the center console of his car before she slipped inside her house and he drove away. 

Back at his house, after greeting his parents and grabbing an apple from the fridge, he went upstairs and opened an incognito mode in his browser. In the search bar, he typed “how to come out as bi”.

He’d never really come out as gay, he’d been outed. As awful as that had been, at least it had been done for him. He’d never had to say the words “I’m gay” to anyone but his parents. If he was going to come out as bi, he wanted to do it right.

He found a guide online, and after scrolling through a definition of bisexuality and some common sense tips, he found a section called “Coming Out to Yourself”. 

“ _ In too many cases, _ ” the article read, “ _ people who express some degree of bisexuality _

_ are pressured –– from both non-LGBTQ and gay and lesbian communities alike –– to ‘choose’ or ‘pick a side,’ meaning to identify as gay, lesbian or straight. _ ”

Ajay found himself nodding along. He had definitely felt that. Living in a liberal area and having decent people for parents, he’d never felt like he’d had to hide his attraction to guys from anybody. But Jake had said he had to choose whether he liked guys or girls, the people on the forum had said he’d eventually have to pick a side, and it was just easier once he was outed to stick with the gay label. 

The section continued for a while, and then ended with: “ _ But before we can come out to other people, we have to figure things out for ourselves. _ ”

That was fair enough. Ajay had taken to calling himself bi in his head, but was he brave enough to say it out loud? Even in his own room with nobody around to hear him, could he say the words.

He sat back in his chair, assessing every crush he’d ever had, every time he’d been attracted to someone. His previous relationships were only guys, and the vast majority of his crushes were guys, but when he thought about people he was just generally attracted to, there were girls in the lineup. Kelly, a girl from middle school, the waitress at the only Indian restaurant his parents would eat at, and even Grace. Ajay surprised himself by finding that he liked the way she snorted when she laughed, and the way she would scrunch up her nose whenever she didn’t like something. 

That was a new one, but Ajay shrugged it off. Grace was cute, but there was so much about her that he didn’t know. 

_ Am I really bisexual? _ He asked himself, trying to amass evidence. He’d never dated a girl, could he really be bi? He questioned it on the surface, but deep down, he knew who he was.

“I’m bisexual,” he whispered to himself, his voice almost silent. 

A chill ran down his spine, but had really nothing changed. The world didn’t burn down. And somehow, inside, Ajay didn’t feel wrong anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ajay had a crush on aiden bc i also had a crush on aiden thank you very much


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Ajay is bi??? The truth come out!!!

The next time he saw Grace, which was the following morning in the hallways before first period, it was more of a shock to his system than he’d expected. She’d waved at him like she usually did, most of her palm covered by the sleeve of her cardigan, and he’d nodded back at her. 

Nothing about that was abnormal. But the jolt in his stomach when he saw her? He couldn’t explain that one.

At lunch Grace sat quietly as usual, observing the conversation more than she added to it. When asked about her morning by Erin, she gave a smile and a small shrug, mentioned her English class, then dug back into her lunch.

This was all completely normal. The conversation at the table was as gossipy as usual, Grace was acting perfectly normal. So why was Ajay suddenly noticing her so much? Maybe it was because of the deeper level of friendship they’d forged over the few hours spent together the previous evening, or maybe it was because he was slowly starting to learn her secrets.

The first part of rehearsal that afternoon was taken up by blocking a large ensemble scene. Ajay loved his actors, he really did, but the vast majority of his ensemble was completely inexperienced. He had expected as much, given that most of them had joined due to Aiden’s and Jordan’s involvement in the production. And it was fun to work with them, trying to shape them into actors. It just took a long time because whenever he said “stage left”, a third of them would go stage right, a third stage left, and a third would stand completely still, having forgotten the stage directions. 

At break, when Ajay was so frustrated he thought he might start yelling, Grace plopped down in her seat next to him.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he replied.

“You look frustrated,” she said, grinning as if she thought it was funny.

“Just missing yesterday, when I just got to work with my leads,” he joked. 

“It would get boring if it was just us all the time,” Grace pointed out. “You gotta mix it up sometimes with people who can’t tell left from right, much less stage left from stage right.”

Ajay groaned. “I like working with them, I really do. I’m just not known for my patience.”

“I know. We all know,” Grace said, though he could tell she was joking. “You know they’re all afraid of you, right?”

“What, really?”

“Mmhm. You’re kind of intimidating. That’s what I thought when we first met, remember? I tried to introduce myself and you were all, ‘I have better things to do than talk to some peasant’.”

Ajay buried his face in his hands. “Don’t remind me about how much of an asshole I used to be.”

Grace patted his shoulder. “No, no, you’re a sweet guy underneath all that. You were stressed, we didn’t know each other well. I get it. I can be kind of standoffish too.”

Ajay relaxed a little bit at that, sinking back into the auditorium chair. “If the cast hears you calling me sweet, I’ll lose my intimidation factor,” he warned, grinning to make sure she knew he was kidding. 

“I doubt that. But they hold you in high regard, Ajay. Just ‘cause they don’t know everything right now doesn’t mean they’re not trying. It’s probably just as frustrating for them as it is for you.”

Ajay sighed. “You’re right. I know you are.”

Grace smiled. “Good. Now, for what I actually came here to say before I saw your grumpy face…”

Ajay stuck his tongue out at her, making her laugh before she started talking again.

“I took your advice and I asked my mom to help me find a Chinese tutor. We’re still looking, but there are a few retirees in town who have some extra time to teach me after school.”

“That’s great!” Ajay said. 

“I also got Duolingo. So now I know how to say hello and goodbye.”

“Oh? Let’s hear it,” Ajay said.

"Ni hao,” she said hesitantly, careful to inflect the tone correctly. “That’s hello. And goodbye is zai jian. I’m probably messing that up in about a hundred ways.”

“Hey, it’s a start. Alright, we’ll get back to rehearsal in about five if you want to tell the rest of the cast. I’ve gotta have a word with Skye about the set.”

“Thank you, five,” Grace muttered sarcastically, then pretended to stomp off even though Ajay could see she was still in good spirits. He watched her as she hopped onstage and told Rory what he’d said, and the young actor then spread that around to everyone else. 

Skye reappeared beside him and followed his gaze before he realized. But even though the redhead gave him a funny look, she said nothing.

“About the set,” he said, breaking their silence. “I know Trevor said something about levels, so preferably I’d know where those were before we do any more blocking.”

“Yeah,” Skye nodded. “I’ll have him make you a sketch, but he’s thinking of a low level to represent the water downstage, then two tiers further upstage. Not blocking the main stage, but more as a place to put the ensemble during the big numbers, and like a “high ground” for the leads to escape to during the storm.”

“How big?”

Skye shrugged, “Maybe half a foot each tall, two feet wide.”

Ajay nodded. “That sounds workable. But yeah, have him get me that sketch as soon as he can.”

Skye nodded, and Ajay could see where she’d already written a reminder down.

“Alright, everyone, from the top of Scene 6. Let’s go.”

***

That Friday, Ajay and Grace were at the cafe again. A half-eaten flatbread sat between them, and Ajay was agonizing over his math textbook while Grace looked on, seemingly amused.

“I don’t like this,” he concluded. “What the hell is a cotangent? Why can’t I just use the regular tangent?”

“‘Cause it’s asking for the cotangent,” Grace reminded him. “But you can use the tangent, but you’ll have to flip it.”

Ajay furiously erased the work he’d done so far. “Why didn’t you just tell me that before?”

Grace rolled her eyes. “It’s not tutoring if I do the work for you. Come on now, think. The cotangent is cosine over sine, so in terms of SOHCAHTOA, what does that mean?”

“That’s like  _ four layers of a fraction _ ,” Ajay groaned. Grace nodded, and Ajay face planted in his textbook, almost spilling his coffee.

“Whoa, careful,” Grace said, reaching out to steady the coffee. 

“I give up,” Ajay said, his voice muffled by the textbook. “I’m too stupid. I’ll just fail. Go on without me.”

“Come on, ‘Jay, it’s not that hard. Just annoying. You can do all the parts individually, so you have to just break it down to each small step and do it piece by piece until it’s done.”

“Ughhhhhh,” Ajay continued, choosing to be melodramatic. “I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

Grace sighed. “Okay, okay. Come on, I won’t make you do any more right now. We can do my English stuff for now.”

Ajay resurfaced, looking up at Grace hopefully. “You sure?”

Grace giggled, pulling the textbook out from under him and closing it. “Yes, I’m sure. Come on, you gotta help me decipher these notes. Some classmate took them for me the day I was out, but I can’t read their handwriting.”

Grace pushed the notes over to Ajay, who squinted at the chicken scratch. “Wow, whoever did this clearly isn’t your friend.”

“It was nice of them to take notes for me, but yeah. I’ve been trying to read them for days now, but I just can’t.”

Ajay tried to focus on the handwriting, but another question kept popping into his mind, and he couldn’t quite get rid of it. “Grace… you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but why were you out on Monday? You just seemed really uncomfortable talking about it, and I wanted to make sure everything’s okay.”

Grace sighed, still looking down at the notes. She was silent for so long that Ajay thought he should just excuse himself to the bathroom or something to let her recover from the invasive question, but then she started talking.

“I… have an anxiety disorder. Um, it’s basically like, my brain freaks out for no reason and I have an anxiety attack. I take meds for it and it’s under control, and I promise it won’t affect my performance in the show, but I forgot my meds on Monday and then we had a pop quiz in bio, the surprise triggered it and then I had a massive attack. I had to go home to recover.”

Ajay blinked. He was shocked. Grace was always so mild-mannered, never even seeming to get stage fright. How could anyone have known she suffered from anxiety? He reached out for her hand, and though her gaze remained fixed on the messy notes on the table, she let him take it.

“Geez, Grace. I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say. What else could he really say? He had anxiety himself, but he was fairly sure that wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who knew him. She must have been hiding this for a long time. He gave her hand a squeeze.

“Yeah, um. Uh. I always take my meds, but I was running late that morning and I forgot them, then we were at school and it was too late for me to go back. I guess I should’ve asked my mom to get them from the house and bring them to school, but she had an early shift at the diner and I didn’t want to bother her.”

“Hey,” Ajay said, squeezing her hand again to coax her into looking back up at him. “Hey. It’s no big deal. Thanks for telling me.”

Grace nodded, and then swallowed once and fixed a smile back onto her face.

“Yeah, um. Of course.”

Then, before Ajay could stop himself, “It seems like every day, I kind of realize just how much I don’t know about you. You never really talk about yourself.”

Grace looked a little surprised at that. “I guess I don’t really think it’s important. I don’t know, I’d rather listen to my friends and get to know them, you know?”

“Yeah, of course, but we want to get to know you, too.”

“Okay. Um, what do you want to know?”

There were so many things Ajay wanted to ask Grace in that moment, but instead he just shook his head.

“No, not like that. I mean like when we’re talking in the cafeteria about our families or our favorite shows, or at rehearsal, or when we’re just out having fun. I’ve learned more about you over these two tutoring sessions than I have since January, you know?”

Grace nodded meekly. “It’s just… if you don’t mind me saying, it’s just easier to talk to you. I don’t know. Rory and James are too close that sharing stuff with them seems weird, Skye has her own issues that I don’t want to pile on to, and then I’m not really close with anyone else besides you.”

“I mean, you don’t have to tell us all your secrets,” Ajay said. “We all have things we keep private. But I just… I don’t know. I want to know you better, especially since we’re so close.”

“I wanna know you better too,” Grace said, and suddenly Ajay was reminded of the huge thing he was keeping from her, from everyone. He’d been working on it, and he was more comfortable saying the words out loud to himself, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to come out to anybody yet. So instead of saying anything, he just smiled.

“I think we can arrange that. Rory told me yesterday they were thinking of throwing a party for the cast and crew. Like a bonding party.”

“Oh yeah? When do you think? I could ask my parents if they’ll let us use the Golden Griddle.”

“You’ll have to ask Rory, but I think they were thinking tomorrow after tech Saturday. Speaking of which, are you coming?”

Grace nodded. “Miss Williams asked me if I’d help out with rehearsing and teaching some of the dances on Saturday. After that, I wanted to see if I could help out with the costumes.” Then, haltingly: “Mom taught me how to sew, and for the fall play I spent tech days with Sydney. I actually did the alterations on my own dress.”

“I’m impressed,” Ajay admitted. “You really can do it all.”

Grace frowned at her copy of 1984, dog-eared and marked all over. “Not everything.”

“It’s just like interpreting a play. Just pretend it’s a script. Pretend you’re playing Winston.”

Grace wrinkled her nose and thumbed through the pages. “Do you think he and O’Brien have something going on?”

Ajay was surprised into a laugh. “What?”

“Aw come on, you can’t tell me it doesn’t sound like he has a little crush on O’Brien. Come on, that whole bit in his apartment when O’Brien turned the TV off? Sparks were flying.”

Ajay shook his head, even though he was smiling. “He’s totally into Julia, though.”

“So?” Grace asked. “Maybe he’s bi.”

Hearing that word come so easily from her mouth threw him off. He couldn’t help but let the surprise show on his face. Grace picked up on it and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Come on, men can be bisexual.”

It took a second for Ajay to react, but when he did, he just shook his head. “I know, I know, but… it’s just… I don’t know. You never see it.”

Grace’s expression softened and she sat back. “I know. There’s never any bisexual representation in media, and when there is, it’s just women.”

“Who don’t like labels.” Ajay added.

Grace laughed. “That one never made sense. I guess through all my struggle to define myself, I started latching onto labels. I went through a lot of them, but bisexual always felt best for me.”

“Wait a second,” Ajay said, desperately needing clarification. “You’re bi?”

Grace grinned sheepishly. “I guess that’s another thing I just kind of forgot to tell everyone. My family knows and everything, it’s not really a secret.”

“Oh. Well, um, thanks for telling me.”

“No problem,” Grace said, then tilted her head. “Ajay? Are you okay?”   
  


“What? I’m fine,” Ajay said, trying to convince himself. He must not have been very convincing, though, because Grace’s concern only grew.

“You’re shaking,” she said, taking his hands. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ajay didn’t, but he also kind of did. It was like the secret was vibrating out of his chest, like it would poison his entire body if he kept it in a moment longer. He shook his head, like he was trying to banish the thought from his head, and Grace let go of his hands and sat back, saying it was okay, and that he didn’t have to say anything if he didn’t want to, and in the middle of all of that, so quietly he hoped she couldn’t hear,

“I’m bi.”

Grace fell silent, and he knew she’d heard him. She didn’t try to invade his space, but simply waited for him to look up. And after a second, he calmed his trembling hands, and looked at her.

“How long have you known?” she asked. There was no hint of judgement on her face, just a small smile and a knowing expression.

“I think I’ve always known. I… my ex outed me as gay, so I never really got the chance to tell everyone who I really am. I just let them assume I’m gay, ‘cause everyone kept telling me that bi wasn’t real, that I couldn’t like both. That I’ll have to choose.”

“That sounds like the classic. It’s kinda awful, ‘cause you get straight people being homophobic, but then gay people say you don’t belong in their community because you pass as straight. It’s like you’re too gay for the straights, but too straight for the gays.”

“Exactly! And I’d read these forums online with all these gay guys saying their bi boyfriends left them for women, or saying that bisexuals just sleep around and cheat. I didn’t want to think that could be me.”

“It’s not true. Bisexuals are just as likely as anyone else to cheat. We’re not more likely to cheat just because we like more genders.”

“I know. But everyone thinks it.”

Grace shrugged. “I don’t care. People are gonna think what they think, and we can just hope that our true friends understand.”

The pair sat in silence, Ajay still trying to catch his breath as the realization of his confession sunk in. He’d actually done it. He’d come out. Not to the whole world, but to Grace. To a close friend he knew he could trust, to someone who was somehow just as odd as he was.

“Hey,” Grace said softly. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For telling me. That can’t have been easy. I guess you’ve never told anyone else?”

“Not yet. I was barely up to telling myself in the mirror,” Ajay laughed.

“Well, the good news is, the hardest part is over. The bad news is that you’re stuck with me as your partner in crime now.”

“Bad news? Come on, that’s not bad news.”

“It’s not?”

“No. I mean, my subconscious must have picked you for a reason.”

“Aww, flatterer,” Grace giggled. Ajay just shook his head. 

As they left the cafe that evening, Ajay felt a million times lighter. He knew he must have been smiling too much, because Grace leaned over once they were in the car and poked his cheeks.

“What’s that weird expression on your face?” she asked, laughing. 

He batted her hand away. “Leave me alone,” he said. “I’m not allowed to celebrate the first time I actually came out to anyone?”

“Duh,” Grace said. “When I came out to James, he was all ‘fine, whatever, leave me alone so I can keep playing Madden’.”

Ajay snorted. “That sounds like him. What about your parents? How did they react?”

“They were surprised,” Grace said, “but they got over it and said they loved me no matter what.”

“I hope my parents react that way,” Ajay replied. “When they found out I was gay, it was more like ‘do what you have to do but don’t tell us about it’. It could’ve been worse but I still wanted more acceptance.”

Grace nodded. “Well, you’ll get enthusiastic acceptance from me.” Then, she tilted her head back and started yelling, just as Ajay was pulling out of the parking lot.

“YOU’RE BISEXUAL!” she yelled, then gestured for him to add on.

Ajay rolled his eyes, but couldn’t really see the harm. “I’M BISEXUAL!” he yelled at the car peacefully cruising in front of them.

“HELL YEAH!” Grace added, then she dissolved into laughter. Ajay felt the last of his worries get buried under the joy of speeding down the road at sunset, yelling nonsensical things and choking on laughter.

When he finally pulled up to Grace’s house, he found he was reluctant to let her go.

“Thanks,” he said. “For listening. And for the yelling. I think I needed that.”

“It’s nice to celebrate who you are when some people only have bad things to say.”

She leaned over and gave him a tight hug, which made his heart beat faster. Once she pulled away, she patted his cheek, even though she looked a little flustered.

“Hey, I’ll talk to Rory about the party. See you at tech tomorrow.”

“Bye,” Ajay barely got the chance to say before she was already jogging up her driveway. He watched her go, grinning to himself when she almost dropped her bag trying to get her keys out.

He felt like a whole new person. If this was what being out was like, he’d take it over being in the closet any day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for u penny XP


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flirting flirting flirting flirting f l i r t i ng   
> aka a bit short, but it's tech saturday and there's some cute shit

Walking into Berry the next day for tech, he felt like a new person. Even though nobody but Grace knew, he still felt more confident in his own sexuality because of the one positive response. He walked around, iced latte in one hand, to check on everyone.

Skye and Trevor were hard at work on the set, both wielding drills about the size of Skye’s head. Even though it was still early, the two had made impressive progress on the platforms that would go on the stage. Erin was helping out, taking boards off to be sawed by one of the other techs in the woodshop. 

Next, he peeked into the dressing rooms. Sydney was set up there, being helped by her girlfriend Mia and a few other techs. Ajay hadn’t ever seen those techs before, and assumed they were just kids in drama or tech classes who needed to work a certain number of hours on Saturdays for a class requirement. He gave Sydney a wave, and she waved him over.

“Hey!” she said. “We got most of the measurements when people came in this morning, so we’re doing the alterations for the ensemble costumes now. Oh, and here, I finalized the sketches for Grace and Rory’s costumes and wanted to run some color schemes by you.”

“Go for it,” Ajay said, pulling up a stool.

Sydney slid over two sheets of paper. On the one labeled “Miranda”, there was an off-the-shoulder pirate-style dress. On the “Ferdinand” one, a high-collared tunic tucked into a pair of slim-cut pants.

Ajay nodded as he looked over. “What colors are you thinking?”

Before he was finished talking, Sydney was already getting out what looked like a key ring full of fabric swatches. She found a black one with a faint gold pattern, and laid it on top of the sketches.

“I was thinking this for Ferdinand’s shirt and Miranda’s dress. Then a white silky fabric for Miranda’s blouse, and I’m gonna ask Rory if they have just basic black pants.”

“I’d be surprised if they didn’t,” Ajay added. “Looks good. See what Rory and Grace think about it, but then go ahead.”

Sydney nodded, grinning and clapping her hands together. “This is gonna be so much fun. We haven’t had this much extra money for our production in forever.”

Ajay knew that was true. Amber, who was weirdly enough Grace’s twin’s ex-girlfriend, had donated a lot to Berry Theatre after the fall play. Since they had raised more than enough with tickets to pay for Rory’s mother’s cancer treatment, she’d insisted that the theatre department keep the remainder. With the very generous donation, they were going all out for the spring musical. They’d even sprung for new microphones for the actors, which was rare seeing as the old ones had been around since the eighties.

He left the costumers to it, making a beeline for the dance studio to check in on his ensemble and Grace. When he got to the studio, she was standing in the middle of a group of the ensemble, including Clint and Natalie, with her sweater sleeves pulled over her hands again and an embarrassed expression on her face. Stepping closer, he could hear that most of the teens were trying to convince Grace to do some dance move for them.

“Hello,” he shouted, projecting to be heard over the loud conversation.

“My savior,” Grace said, her face immediately turning relieved. “What’s up?”

“Just wondering how it’s going,” he said. “You seem popular.”

“Oh, no. They’re just trying to get me to dance for them while we wait for Miss Williams.”

“She’s  _ classically trained _ ,” Natalie said, seeming a little awestruck.

“I don’t know what that means,” Ajay admitted.

“Just that I know ballet,” Grace explained. “Make them stop?”

Ajay shook his head. “No, you got yourself into this.”

Grace fake-scowled. “You’re the worst. I called you my savior for nothing.” She turned back to the group. “Fine, I’ll do a few fouettes. And only because I already have my pointe shoes on.”

Natalie clapped her hands together, and the small group made room for her on the floor. Ajay stood back against the barre, his arms crossed, watching. Grace shot him another fake scowl, to which he returned a smile.

“You’ll pay for this,” she muttered, before pushing off the floor with one foot and launching into a turn. After the first two turns, balancing on one pointed foot, she extended the leg in the air and flattened the pointed foot, then twisted back up to get more momentum. She ended up turning about four times, then stopped the turn in a kind of lunge position.

Her face was already a little red from the exertion, or maybe it was from the embarrassment of all the people watching her. Clint and Natalie immediately started applauding. Ajay understood why- he was impressed too- but it was clear they were making her uncomfortable, so he glared at them until they stopped.

“Anyways,” Grace said forcefully, turning back to Ajay. “What’s up?”

“Just checking in,” he replied. “Once you’re done here, Sydney wants you in the costume room to check out her costume ideas.”

“Oh? What did you think of them?”

“They’re pretty good,” Ajay said, forcing himself to tone the praise down even though in reality he’d thought the sketches were amazing. “But I still wanted to see if you and Rory had any other ideas.”

Privately, he thought the costumes would look amazing on both of the leads, and even more so with the set that Skye had sketched out. But it was up to them.

“Oh, and I talked to Rory about the party,” Grace mentioned. “It’ll be tonight at the Golden Griddle starting around 5.”

“Sounds good. I don’t get out of SAT prep until 5:30, but I’ll stop by after that.”

“Cool, I’ll tell Rory to send the invitation in the group chat. We’ll probably have some kind of afterparty at their house, too, ‘cause I think their parents are out of town.”

“Scandalous,” Ajay replied dryly. “I’ll alert the troops.”   
  


There was a rustle at the door, and Ajay looked up to see the dance instructor, looking frazzled, struggling through the door with two large bags. Grace and Ajay were closest, so they both ran over to help her put her stuff down. 

“Thanks, kids,” she said, setting her purse down and sweeping her long braids up into a bun. Miss Williams was an ex-professional dancer with the Pacific Northwest Ballet who had retired back to her hometown after ten years with the company. He only knew this because of how much Grace talked about her- it seemed like Grace admired her greatly and saw her as a mentor. Ajay hadn’t really had many significant experiences with her, but had assented when Grace had begged him to let her choreograph the dance numbers for the musical. He knew Grace was also assisting her with the choreography.

“Sorry I’m late, I overslept,” she admitted. “Let me warm up real quick, and then we can start working.”

Grace nodded, then made her way back over to the barre so she could continue to warm up too. Ajay took that as a sign for him to leave. As he was making his way past Grace, though, she grabbed onto his shoulder and stood up on pointe, making the top of her head almost come up to his eye level. She usually just came up to his chin.

“Nice try, but you’re still short,” he joked. Grace just crossed her eyes and poked his forehead.

“Stop frowning,” she scolded him. “Tech Saturdays are awesome.” She kept holding on to his shoulder as she executed a series of tendus.

“Not when I have to worry about everything,” Ajay sighed.

“Let Skye worry about it,” Grace suggested, “she’s stage manager, that’s her job.”

“She has enough to worry about without this.”

Grace lowered herself back to her usual height and backed up a little so she could glare up at Ajay. 

“That’s sweet, but you have to let her do her job. You gotta learn how to delegate.” She poked him again, this time in the stomach, then resumed her warmup. “I don’t know what you’d do without me.”

“I’d sit in a corner and worry all day,” Ajay replied, a smirk forming on his face. “I wouldn’t even take a snack break.”   
  


Grace pretended to gasp. “No snacks? My god, man, what are you doing with your life?”

Ajay snorted, and Grace’s eyes went wide and she covered his mouth with her hand. “Careful, Ajay! People might think you have emotions!”

_ Cute _ , he thought. Then,  _ wait, where did that come from? _

Grace was already focused back on her warmups, and Miss Williams looked like she was finishing up her warmups, so Ajay took the opportunity to leave the room, and that random thought, behind.

For the rest of tech, Ajay floated around the school, helping out here and there. He spent most of his time with Skye, sitting side-by-side with their legs propped up on the auditorium chairs in front of them, going over the blocking notes. The hours flew by, and Ajay was reminded over and over again what an amazing community they had here. He had Skye, his longtime partner-in-crime, working with him like a well-oiled machine. The stitchers in the costume room traded jokes at the actors’ expenses, but the actors helping out would shoot right back. The repartee among the set builders, with Trevor at the helm, was never boring. And once the ensemble came back from their dance rehearsal to help with tech, Grace stuck by Ajay’s side like glue. 

Come lunchtime, the small friend group was seated in a circle in the hallway, not far from where the techs and other actors were in their own groups. Grace was showing everybody a video of her dog, an extremely fluffy Samoyed called Biscuit, chasing his own tail. Rory was tapping away on their phone, and met any questions with one finger held up to indicate that they should wait. Clint and Natalie were persistently bothering Rory, and Skye sat to the side by herself, watching the conversation.

Once the video had ended, Erin captured Grace’s attention to grill her about James’ weekend plans. Ajay hung onto her words with interest-- if nothing else, this was something he could tease his friend about.

Grace looked slightly amused as she answered Erin’s questions, but the second she was done, Ajay leaned over and raised an eyebrow at Erin.

“You’re not usually that desperate,” he said. “What gives?”

“What? He’s a nice dude, and we almost had a thing last fall.”

“Wait, you did?” Grace asked, turning to Erin in shock.

“We went to the movies,” Erin said slowly. “He brought me flowers after The Enchanted Kingdom. Unless he does that to a lot of girls…?”

Grace shook her head. “I know my brother doesn’t have the best track record with girls, but he’s not a player. He definitely likes you, I just didn’t remember that you guys had gone out.”

“Not a player,” Erin said, tapping her chin. “Well, that’s good. But what about you?”

“Me?” Grace asked.

“Yeah,” Natalie said, having abandoned her efforts to distract Rory from what they were doing and turning her head towards the more interesting conversation. “Nothing in the rumor mill about Grace Lee. Care to enlighten us?”

Grace looked vaguely panicked now, her gaze flicking back and forth between Natalie and Erin. Finally, she shot a look at Ajay, and he tried his best to look encouraging. He had told her that she needed to be more honest with her friend group, but he didn’t want her to be uncomfortable.

“That’s, uh, because there isn’t any gossip,” Grace finally said, looking a bit embarrassed. “I’ve never dated anyone. Apparently my brother got all the game.”

Ajay would’ve been lying to himself if he’d said he wasn’t surprised. Grace was talented, fairly outgoing, and-- he had to face it-- very cute. He couldn’t imagine why she’d never dated anyone, but then again, she did have a tendency to push people away. She’d never shown this kind of openness before. She didn’t really let people in, and Ajay could understand why that would be a deterrent. But once you got to know her better–

Then he blinked. Why was he even thinking about this? Why was he overanalyzing his friend’s love life? It was stupid, and he refocused on the conversation at hand.

“It’s okay to not date,” Erin was saying. “Honestly, it can be a lot of drama and hard feelings, so it’s completely understandable.”   
  


“Oh, it’s not for lack of trying,” Grace laughed. “I get a crush on like, every person who compliments me. I think I just always pick the ones who don’t like me back.”

“Ajay knows what that’s like,” Erin replied, jerking Ajay back into the focus of the conversation.

“What?” he asked, even though he knew full well what she was talking about. And how it wasn’t entirely true.

“It’s so embarrassing. Basically, and he told me this story a while ago, but he fell  _ hard _ for this guy Marvin at a summer theatre program, but Marvin liked the girl who was playing the lead in the show, and they got together and ended up wrecking the entire show.”

Ajay buried his face in his hands, and Erin laughed and patted his shoulder. “It’s okay, dude. We all had unfortunate crushes.”

Grace nudged his shoulder, and he looked up. He pretended to be embarrassed for a little while for Erin’s amusement, but when Skye unexpectedly joined the conversation to bring up how much she liked Erin’s cyberpunk-style high-tops, he dropped the act.

Later, as they were cleaning up from lunch, Grace caught up to him by the trash can.

“So I’m guessing Erin’s story isn’t entirely true,” she said.

“Nope,” Ajay admitted. “Marvin was a huge asshole. I liked Kelly, the girl who was the lead. But the rest of the story is true.”

Grace grimaced. “Not a pleasant story either way.”

“Hence why I don’t really put myself out there anymore,” Ajay sighed. “With that, and with my ex who outed me, I don’t really trust people with my heart anymore.”

“Awwww,” Grace fake-pouted. “Poor Ajay. What a burden on your fragile, shattered heart.”

To another person, or before he’d formed such a strong bond with Grace, he might’ve gotten mad over the clearly mocking comment. But instead, he found that he didn’t care. He simply rolled his eyes, making Grace laugh.

Another thought entered his mind, entirely unsolicited. He liked making her laugh. He liked her toothy grin, he liked sitting beside her, he liked the way she pulled her sleeves over her hands. What the hell did that mean?

He’d had crushes on girls before, but he’d always pushed the feelings away. He had wanted so badly to just be gay, to just like guys, to have a sexuality that was generally accepted in his friend group and entirely uncomplicated. That was what had happened with Kelly-- upon realizing he liked her, he’d pushed her away and been cold to her, which was what ultimately wrecked the show. He didn’t want that to ever happen again.

He didn’t want that to happen with Grace.

So instead, he leaned close and bumped her shoulder with his.

“It’s nice seeing you working with the ensemble,” he said, making her look up. “You’re obviously a talented teacher.”

“Oh,” Grace said, blinking, then Ajay could’ve sworn she’d blushed a little. “Um, thanks. It’s fun.”

Ajay simply smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a cast party and james and erin. also, ajay realizes something.

SAT prep class was hell, but Ajay and Erin had established a form of friendly competition to make it a bit more bearable. Whenever they were given problem sets, which was almost all the time, he and Erin would race each other through the sets. Whoever got the most correct established who’d won, but if they’d gotten the same number correct, the fastest person would win.

Needless to say, Erin was destroying him in the math section. In the English portion, however, Ajay had started out light-years ahead of Erin, though she was quickly catching up.

“Competition brings out the best in me,” she joked as they headed out to Ajay’s car. She lived close to him, and they were both headed to the party so he’d offered to drive her there and back.

They settled into the car and Ajay started it up, Erin still cheerfully talking about how she’d nearly beat Ajay in the final set of questions. Once she’d quieted down, though, Ajay seized his chance.

“You never told me you had something going on with James,” he mentioned.

“I thought everyone knew,” Erin said sheepishly. “It’s nothing official, but yeah, we went out a few times.”

“What happened?”

Erin puffed her cheeks out. “Nothing, really. I guess we both kind of lost interest. And then he started dating that Robotics girl, and I guess we’re just friends now.”

“Are you still interested?” Ajay wanted to know, because of the way Erin had said  _ that Robotics girl _ . It sounded like she still liked him.

“A bit, I guess,” she sighed. “Why, do you want him for yourself?” she teased, trying to cover up for her momentary vulnerability.

Ajay wrinkled his nose. “James? No thanks. I don’t date athletes.”

“What about Jake?” Erin reminded him.

“Jake was a mistake,” Ajay said firmly. “He was nice enough, but he couldn’t handle it when I wasn’t who he expected me to be.”

“Makes sense,” Erin agreed. “You need someone who’s more patient, too. Not like Ben.”

Ajay groaned. “Don’t remind me about that.” He had dated yet another upperclassman, Ben, during the past summer. Ben was organized and unrelenting and a complete theatre nerd like Ajay, which is why they’d gotten along like a house on fire. But a few days in, Ajay had realized Ben had no patience whatsoever for Ajay’s moods. Josh had been stoic, like the face that Ajay liked to present to the world, but unlike Ajay, he’d been stoic through and through. Although Ajay didn’t like to show it in public, he had a lot of feelings, and he wanted to be able to share those feelings with his close friends and the person he was dating.

So it hadn’t worked out. And then between that, Jake, and the disastrous situation with Kelly, Ajay had begun to give up on love. To be honest, he was still doubtful that he could find love, but he had eased up a bit.

“Patient, not overly possessive, preferably a theatre nerd,” Erin counted on her fingers. “Pretty specific tastes. Got anyone in mind?”

Ajay wanted to say no-- he wanted to say no  _ so badly _ , but he couldn’t say it right away, and Erin latched on to the momentary silence.

“Oh my god, you’ve got it bad for someone,” she crowed. 

“No, I don’t!” Ajay argued back, but secretly, he knew he did.

By the time they had got to the Golden Griddle, Erin had stopped nagging him about his crush, but he had gotten considerably more anxious at the thought of seeing Grace. And true to form, she ambushed him and Erin almost as soon as they stepped in the front door.

“Ajay! Erin! Welcome!” she said, her voice raised a little to be heard over the noise. “There’s food over there, and a couple card games over there.” She pointed at the breakfast bar setup and then at the booths in the back near the jukebox respectively. Erin caught a glance of James and made her way towards the group playing games, while Ajay followed Grace to the breakfast bar, which was empty except for Skye.

“Hey,” she greeted him as he sat down. Grace disappeared behind the counter, then popped back up with an apron on.

“So,” she said as Ajay started to laugh, “what can I get you folks?”

“More math help,” Ajay groaned. “Erin continues to destroy me on the math questions in SAT prep, and I can only handle losing for so long.”

“Strawberry pancakes for me,” Skye deadpanned. “And I don’t understand how you’re so bad at math, Ajay, when you’ve got Grace tutoring you.”

“He’s made a lot of improvement,” Grace said diplomatically at the same time as Ajay said “I’m hopeless.”

Skye laughed as Grace mixed up a bowl of batter and spread it evenly on a skillet. “Pancakes, Ajay?”

“Sure, blueberry for me if you have it,” he said. “I am better at math now,” he redirected towards Skye, “but I was so bad starting out that I still have a long way to go.”

“I’ll second that,” Grace said. “The patented Grace Lee tutoring method never fails.”

“You can say that again,” Skye said. “I ended up with a B+ on that pre-calc exam.”

“Really?” Grace asked, looking up and grinning. “That’s great!”   
  


“Not good enough for my parents quite yet,” Skye rolled her eyes, “But we’re getting there.”

“You’re just a sophomore,” Ajay said. “You have time before your grades really matter, anyways.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about college. It’s just that every time I get below straight As, it’s because of theatre or it’s because I wear black lipstick or because I’m spending all my time listening to ‘devil music’.” 

Grace giggled at Skye’s use of finger quotes, and carefully slid the golden pancakes onto two plates, which she set in front of Ajay and Skye.

“Excellent service,” Ajay joked. “Five out of five stars.”

Skye wrinkled her nose jokingly. “I didn’t order strawberries in my strawberry pancakes. Get me your manager. I’m allergic, you could’ve killed me.”

Grace shivered. “You jest, but I’ve heard horror stories.”

“Oh, I know. My parents do that kind of stuff.”

“Why bother trying to get a free meal when you’re already rich enough to pay for it?” Ajay wondered. “It’s not like your parents are hurting for money.”

Skye frowned. “They like embarrassing people. Waiters, cashiers, service staff in general. They say it’s ‘putting them in their place’.”

“Awful,” Grace said, wiping down the skillet and pouring a sizable pile of shredded potatoes on it. “I hate that you have to deal with them all the time, Skye.”

“It could be worse,” Skye said unconvincingly.

“You could come stay with me,” Ajay offered. “My family already knows you, and Mohit adores you.”

“That’s sweet, Ajay, but I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You wouldn’t be a--”

Skye cut him off. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll work this out myself.”

Ajay took the hint and didn’t try to press her any further about it, but he was still worried. 

“So,” Grace said, piling the hashbrowns into a bowl and coming back around the side of the counter to sit next to Ajay. “I heard Darya and the Delinquents are back in town. We should go see them sometime.”

“Maybe,” Skye said, picking at her pancakes. “I’m kind of over them.”

That set off a major alarm in Ajay’s head. Grace seemed to have picked up on it, too, and she nudged him.

_ I’m not good with people! _ he thought inside, but then got himself together. It was Skye. He’d known her forever. She was like a sister to him.

“I’m gonna go check on my brother,” Grace said, sliding off the stool and carrying her hash browns over to where James and Erin were sitting very close together.

“What gives?” Ajay asked, knowing that Skye was uncomfortable but also knowing she needed help.

Skye sighed. “My parents are grooming me to be the head of the business,” she explained. “Brian embarrassed them at a formal dinner, so now they think I’m their best shot. They’re trying to blackmail me into dressing up how they want, doing the right hobbies, listening to the right music. My most recent deal with them was that they’ll let me keep doing tech if I only listen to their approved music and straighten my hair.”

Ajay frowned at her hair-- it did look straighter than normal. He mussed it up, and Skye wrinkled her nose but grinned.

“I say you’re perfect how you are,” he said, “but I understand wanting to please your parents.”

“I guess I’m still holding out hope that maybe they’ll actually love me if I do the things they want,” Skye said bitterly, the grin gone as fast as it came. 

“They should love you anyways,” came an angry voice from behind them, and both Ajay and Skye spun around to see that Grace had made her way back over.

“I’m sorry for eavesdropping, but that’s messed up.”

“Very,” Ajay agreed. “I wish there was a way to get you out of that situation.”

“We won’t be able to convince them that Brian’s their golden child,” Grace snorted. “There’s gotta be some other way.”

Rory had wandered over with their plate, clearly wanting more food. “What’s up, guys?”

“Not much,” Skye said quickly, before either Grace or Ajay could say anything.

“Another spinach and cheese omelet, Rory?” Grace asked, hopping back behind the counter. Rory nodded, and Grace cracked a few eggs and got to work.

“Erin and James seem cozy,” they mentioned casually. “Are they a thing?”

“Not that I know of,” Ajay replied. “I think they’d be good together, though.”

“Yeah, same here. Don’t tell him I told you, but James has been kind of gone for Erin ever since Raina dumped him.” Grace added.

“Really?” Skye raised an eyebrow. “I guess they do have a lot in common.”

“They both play sports, and they’re both pretty laid-back. Wouldn’t it be weird to have your friend dating your twin, though, Grace?” Rory asked.

Grace considered the question, but eventually shook her head. “I’ve never been friends with one of his girlfriends before, but I don’t think it’s that weird. I’ve already heard all the school gossip about him, and that was plenty weird enough for me.”

Ajay grimaced. James was known to be a bit of a player around Berry. After he had loudly and publicly broken up with Amber at the Homecoming dance last fall, he hadn’t had any lasting relationships. He knew from talking to Grace that she thought it was because he thought he had to have a girlfriend, like he wasn’t complete without dating someone.

It had to be weird to have your brother have that kind of reputation. Everyone in their friend group knew and liked James, but among the athletes that James usually hung out with, it was every man for himself.

“If Erin likes him, though, I think that’s a good choice,” Ajay said. “He’ll be good for making her not take everything so seriously, and she’ll ground him a bit more.”

“Opposites attract,” Grace said, and shot a smile at Ajay before scooping Rory’s omelet up onto their plate. Ajay lost track of the conversation for a couple moments, his heart pounding and his throat going dry, before reigning himself back in. Rory was talking about prom-- as student body president, they were in charge of planning.

“I have a couple venues picked out,” they were saying, “but I’d love to take you all and the rest of the prom planning committee around to see. I was planning on doing that tomorrow.”

“I also heard something about an afterparty tonight,” Grace prompted, and Rory grinned.

“Group sleepover at my place? You too, Erin,” they added as the girl in question sidled up to them.

“Awesome,” she grinned.

“Yeah, I was looking forward to not going home tonight,” Skye said.

“Me too,” Ajay added. At Grace’s curious look, he added, “‘Cause of Jim.”

“Still having a hard time with him?” Rory asked.

“No,” Ajay sighed. “He’s a good guy, and he’s good with Mohit, and I know he’s not trying to replace my dad. I just can’t warm up to him.”

“Aw, it’ll just take some time,” Grace said. “I’m in for the group sleepover, though. Can I bring Biscuit over?”

“Of course,” Rory practically yelled. “The goodest boy always has a place of honor at any group sleepover, you know that!”

It was still an hour or so before the Golden Griddle would close, though, so the group headed over to the games table. Erin challenged Ajay to a game of War, and the competition was so fierce that everyone at the party came to spectate. The room erupted in riots and screams when Erin, after a triple tie-breaker, claimed the final victory of the night.

On that note, the Lees had kindly but firmly announced that they’d be closing in a few minutes. Grace had been keeping up pretty well with the dirty dishes, but James came over to take over for her. The cast and crew of The Tempest filed out of the small diner, and Ajay reminded everyone about being off-book for the start of tech rehearsals on Monday.

“I can’t believe we’re only two weeks from opening night,” Grace murmured just to Ajay. 

“Time flies,” he replied. “It was a good idea to get this party in before Hell Week begins.”

Grace laughed. “Oh, can I hitch a ride with you to Rory’s?”

“Sure thing.”

Ajay, Erin and Grace split off from Rory and Skye at the cars, and almost as soon as Ajay had started the engine, Grace had tapped Erin on the shoulder. The older girl turned around from the passenger seat to see her.

“I saw James wink at you,” Grace said.

“Dammit,” Erin cursed. “Caught red-handed.”

“But seriously, though. What was that about?”

“Nothing much,” Erin replied. “We’re going out on Sunday, though.”

“Really?” Ajay couldn’t help but ask, merging onto the highway back to Grace and Rory’s neighborhood.

“Yeah, he asked me to a movie.”

“Yes,” Grace cheered. “I knew it. I knew he was gonna ask you out.”

“It’s just one date,” Erin reminded Grace, but the smile on her face betrayed her optimism. “But I was thinking of asking him to prom.”

Grace cheered again. When Ajay, having stopped at a light, gave her a strange look in the rearview mirror, she shrugged.

“What? I was definitely rooting for them to get together.”

Erin smiled. “You’re talkative tonight.”

“Party high,” Grace explained, but after another significant look through the rear view mirror, Ajay knew it was because she was trying to talk more, to let her friends get to know her more.

It was one of the many things, he realized, that he really liked about her. 

And as the night flew by, as he watched her hide her face in Biscuit’s fur when they watched one of Skye’s horror movies, when she didn’t hesitate to choose truth at a mild game of Truth or Dare, and around 2 am when she fell asleep on his shoulder while they were watching Rory and Erin race in Mario Kart, he knew he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He had a crush.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> awkward flirting, a near-miss, and a not-miss (does that make sense? no)
> 
> penny: im sorry i made you wait so long for this

“I should just tell them. They’re my friends!” Ajay said, exasperated with math and tech week and school and  _ everything _ .

“But you clearly aren’t comfortable doing that yet,” Grace reminded him. “You don’t ever have to tell them, you know.”

They were holed up in a booth at the far end of the Golden Griddle. It was 8 pm, and the coffee shop they’d been in had closed a half hour before. Since tech week was pushing their tutoring start times back to 7 pm or later, they’d decided just to hang out at the place that didn’t close until 10 and was conveniently run by Grace’s parents, who would let them stay an hour after closing while they cleaned up and closed the diner.

“I do, though! It feels like I’m lying to them.”

“Well, then, why don’t you want to tell them?”

Ajay groaned and face-planted in his math textbook. Grace carefully moved the book aside, out from under his face, and closed it.

“Let’s talk about something else for a bit,” she suggested. “Not math, not coming out.”

“What do you suggest?” 

“Well, um… My dance school’s recital is in a month, and I have two solos ready to go but I can’t decide which one I like more.”

“What are the two options?” Ajay wanted to know.

“Swan Lake or Esmeralda,” Grace said, looking up clips. “I’m leaning towards Swan Lake, but I know it’s the safe choice. Esmeralda has a lot of personality, and… I don’t know if I do it justice.”

“Show me,” Ajay urged. After watching the clips of practically professional dancers performing, he looked at her blankly.

“You can do that?” he asked.

“In practice, yes,” Grace said. “I can do Swan Lake better, though.”

“But you like Esmeralda more,” Ajay guessed.

“Yeah. So I don’t know if I should take the risk.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Um, falling on my ass onstage?”

Ajay shook his head. “You have a month to practice. Try again.”

Grace sighed. “I won’t do it justice. I just don’t have enough personality for it.”

“Grace, come on, you’re the best actress I know,” Ajay said before he thought about it. Grace peered up at him, shocked at the unexpected praise.

“Really?”

“Ugh. Yes, really. But you can’t tell anybody I said that.”

Grace smiled, and her cheeks turned a little pink. “Okay, I won’t. But if I fall on  _ my _ ass onstage, I’m going out into the audience to kick  _ your _ ass.”

“Oh, I’m invited?” Ajay asked, surprised.

“Of course. The rest of our friends, too. You said I should let them in more, well…”

“I’m sure we’ll all be there,” he said. “We always support Erin and James at their games, of course we’ll be at your recital.”

“No school spirit chants, though,” Grace warned. “Alright, we’re being lazy. I have a book report due tomorrow that I need to finish off. I need to add quotes.”

“Oh, that should be easy,” Ajay said. “Remember how we went through and marked things that seemed like good quotes with the sticky notes?”

Grace brightened up. “Yeah! I’ll take a look! As long as you promise you’ll finish your homework problems while I do that.”

“Alright, alright. Start with the note on page 83,” Ajay advised. “I think it would be good for your intro paragraph.”

The pair got to work, and it was around ten minutes before either of them spoke again.

“What are you doing before prom?” Grace asked, catching Ajay off-guard. Why did she want to know?

“I think our group is gonna go to that Mexican place near the harbor,” he said. “I was just gonna do that. Nothing special.”

“Mmm,” Grace said. “Yeah, me too. Are you going with anyone?”

Again, his heart skipped a beat. Was she just being friendly?

“No, I’m just going with the group.”

Grace nodded, and Ajay could swear she’d smiled just a little. What did that mean? 

“What about you?” he asked.

Grace snorted. “Come on, please. The only people I really know are the theatre people. I thought Rory might ask me as friends, but I think we’re just all gonna go as a group.”

“Tell you what,” Ajay said, “I’ll get a corsage for you if you’ll get my boutonniere. We’ll be like honorary dates.”

“I’d like that,” Grace said, smiling. She finally looked up from her computer and leaned over to poke his cheek. “Thanks. Get dark red flowers, then we can match.”

“What color’s your dress?”

“Light pink top, burgundy skirt.”

“Oh no,” Ajay said, “we don’t have to match clothes, do we? ‘Cause I got this really sharp dark green tux.”

“No, that’s fine. Individuality.” 

She studied him briefly, and his face got hot.

“What?”

“Nothing. I think you’ll look really good in green,” she said, winked, and then went right back to her assignment.

Ajay felt like he’d been shot. There was no way to deny that. She’d just flirted with him. That was new.

But was it, though? She was always finding an excuse to touch him, to be near him. Far more so than she had before, even though they’d been friends for a while now. Not to mention that she turned pink whenever he complimented her lately.

Ajay chewed on the end of his pen as he tried to figure out what to do about this. Unfortunately, a few keyboard clacks later, her typing paused and he felt her eyes on him.

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” she asked in a small voice. “I was just… I thought there were vibes…” she trailed off.

Ajay wanted to laugh. He turned to her. “No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I was just thinking.”

“About?”

“The  _ vibes _ ,” Ajay joked. “...And about how beautiful you’ll look in your dress.”

It was Grace’s turn to blush but she took it in stride, shaking her head and turning back to her computer. “You’re such a dork. It’s so cute.”

“You think I’m cute?”

“I think you’re a dumbass,” Grace said, poking his cheek again. “Now, get back to your homework. We’re wasting valuable study time.”

Grinning, Ajay started in on his problem set, which didn’t look so difficult after all.

*** 

Tech week had stopped being hell and started being an excuse to spend more and more of his day with Grace. Sure, he already saw her at lunch and after school at Rory’s locker, not to mention at their tutoring sessions twice a week, but he was quickly becoming addicted to her.

She made him want to be authentically, unironically himself. Whereas he normally hid all his feelings away, posing behind a mask of disinterest and backhanded compliments, after each tech rehearsal she’d go to him, sit next to him in the house where he was still writing notes on his script, rest her head on his and ask him what he really thought. And he’d tell her: all of the times he nearly teared up at the perfect cue, whenever he wanted to scream in frustration at another ensemble member missing their mark. He’d even whispered, once, about how her singing had made his heart stop during the first full run-through.

Her breath felt warm on his cheek for several long seconds after he said that. He’d been about to turn, make eye contact with her, face up to whatever came next, but then Skye called him and he had to break away. Grace was as red as a tomato when he looked back at her.

“What’s up, Skye?” he asked, even though half his brain was still stuck on how close Grace had been.

“You two looked cozy,” she noted, not lifting her eyes off the clipboard. Ajay was glad, because he didn’t really have a response to that.

“Um,” he said.

“Next full run-through tomorrow,” she continued like nothing had happened. “You should send me an email tonight with the notes, and I’ll forward it to the cast and crew. Try and send it by 10 at the latest, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said.

Skye finally looked up at him, and gave him a weird look. “You’re too smiley,” she said. “During tech week for Enchanted Kingdom, you were grumpy the whole time.”

“Are you complaining?” Ajay asked.

“I guess not. It’s…” Skye trailed off. “It’s nice to see you happy. I think the cast and crew are really responding to your energy.”

Ajay hummed noncommittally in response, even though what Skye had said had made him even more happy. “Well, let’s keep it up through next week, right?”

Skye nodded.

Monday and Tuesday of the next week were the dress rehearsals, then he was giving the cast a day off on Wednesday before the show opened on Thursday. They’d have a student matinee right after school on Thursday, then evening shows on Thursday, Friday and Saturday making for a total of four shows. He’d pushed for a matinee on Saturday, too, but Mr. Olsen was worried about the cast’s stamina and hadn’t wanted to risk it.

Ajay’s stamina, though? It had never been higher. He felt like he could run a hundred miles. He even felt up for one of Jim’s insane hiking expeditions, although only just. And only on the condition that he was allowed to complain the entire time.

It must have shown, because Skye stopped putting her clipboard in her backpack and straightened back up.

“You know, Ajay… whatever it is, you don’t have to hide it from us.”

“Hm?” he asked, caught off guard.

“Whatever’s making you happy,” Skye explained. “It doesn’t have to be a secret. I promise it won’t ruin your grumpy aura.”

Ajay hesitated. “I’ll… I’ll tell you guys,” he admitted, not seeing the point in lying to his friend. “But I’m not ready to yet.”

Skye nodded. “Whenever you are, then.”

As they parted, Ajay felt a spot of warmth growing in his chest. Even though he knew he didn’t say it nearly enough, he really loved all of his friends. With everything he’d been through: his parents’ divorce, almost failing math, the class president election; the whole group had always banded together to give him strength. Theatre really was, as Rory had said before, a family.

Once he made it out to the parking lot a few minutes later, a lone figure waited by his car.

“Hey,” Grace said. “I wondered if you could give me a lift home.”

“Sure,” Ajay replied. “What happened to Rory?” The two usually rode home from rehearsal together, being that they were neighbors.

“Nothing,” Grace shrugged. “I just wanted to see you.”

“You’re gonna see me tomorrow at tech, though, right?” Ajay asked.

“Yeah,” Grace replied, dragging her foot on the ground. “But I wanted to anyway.”

Ajay raised an eyebrow. “Okay then,” he said. Wanting to tease her just a little, he stepped closer. “Your house is kind of out of my way, though.”

She met his eyes. “It’s a small town,” she argued. “Maybe ten minutes out of the way.”

“Still,” he said. “If you just want a ride home, you should go with Rory.”

Grace rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re a jerk. I wanted to see if you’d go to a movie with me, alright?”

“There we go,” Ajay laughed. “The real reasoning.”

“Yeah. So?”

Ajay pretended to think about it. “Well, I don’t usually go out with people who call me a jerk,” he said, “but I’ll make an exception here.”

“Great!” Grace jumped up in the air and clapped, in a maneuver that was so adorable that Ajay had to stop himself from laughing. “RENT is playing at the drive-in near the aquarium in about thirty minutes.”

“Then I guess we’d better go,” Ajay grinned.

***

After a quick stop at the local gas station for slushies and popcorn, a minor argument over who would pay for what, and an eventful parking spot search, Grace and Ajay had settled in to watch RENT. Grace was happily munching on one of the bags of popcorn, while Ajay fiddled with the radio dial.

“There we go,” he said finally, tuning the radio to the right channel. “Hopefully that’s the right one.”

“You know what the real benefit here is?” Grace asked, still chewing on the popcorn.

“What?”

“We can sing along as loudly as we want,” she replied, beaming. “Nobody can stop us. We don’t have to be quiet like in a normal movie theatre.”

“I can definitely see why these used to be popular,” Ajay said. “Good for dates, too, ‘cause you can have a conversation and watch a movie at the same time.”

“Duh,” Grace said. “Why did you think I wanted us to come here?”

Ajay laughed, but his heart was pounding. He had definitely thought that was what she’d been trying to do, but he hadn’t dared to ask. 

As the movie began, Grace steadily crunched her popcorn, while Ajay finished off his slushie before grabbing his own bag.

“December 24th, 1989, 9 pm Eastern Standard Time,” Ajay mouthed alongside Anthony Rapp’s Mark Cohen. “From here on in, I shoot without a script.”

“That line gives me chills,” Grace confessed. “You know, you’d make a great Mark.”

“I would?”

“Yeah, cute dorky guy with glasses and a blazer running around New York City with a video camera? That’s you 100%.”

“Mark has more character depth than ‘cute dorky guy’,” Ajay exclaimed, almost offended if it weren’t for the fact that Grace had just called him cute. 

Grace ignored him and started air-drumming as the number  _ Rent _ started up, playing air guitar once the riffs were introduced. 

“With that energy, you’d make a good Maureen. But I’m guessing--”

“I don’t like her,” Grace said loudly over the audio. “She’s such a bi stereotype. Although we do have the same types.”

“Cute dorky guys and…?”

“Badass powerful women,” Grace said. “Joanne was the first movie character I had a crush on.”

“Really?” 

“Absolutely. What was yours?”

Ajay had to think back. “Probably Captain America.”

Grace raised her eyebrows. “You like muscles?”

“Kind of. I mostly just liked Chris Evans’ face, though.”

Grace laughed. “I think we all get that one.”

Both of them, Ajay realized, were the type of people to talk through an entire movie. They carried on a loud and enthusiastic conversation, taking breaks to harmonize the songs they both knew by heart.

By the time Seasons of Love rolled around, though, Grace had quieted down considerably. Ajay thought at first that she must just have been getting tired, but then noticed that she hadn’t touched her popcorn.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, nudging her gently with his elbow.

“Yeah,” she replied, turning to him with a soft smile. “I love this song. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Me too,” Ajay said. He scooted a little bit closer, hardly daring to stretch his hand out across the gap between the seats where they’d wedged their empty slushie cups. She took his hand into hers, then poked his palm. She wiggled his fingers, making them both laugh, then slid her fingers between his.

“...your hand is sweaty,” she remarked softly, moving her other hand down to his wrist. “And your pulse is really fast.” 

“Three guesses why,” Ajay muttered. “And the first two don’t count.”

Grace just leaned her head against his shoulder. Seasons of Love ended, and Ajay knew neither of them were watching the movie anymore.

“Grace…” he started. “I… you have to know how I feel about you by now.”

“Hmm,” she replied, taking his fingers and sliding them down to her wrist so he could feel her pulse pounding. “Does it feel like this?” 

“Exactly like that,” Ajay said. Then, he put his hand on Grace’s shoulder, and she turned to face him. She was so close he could’ve counted her eyelashes.

“Like this, too,” he added, and then cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

She had clearly been more than ready for him to do that and she immediately straightened up, reaching across the seats to grab his blazer’s lapels. She kissed back fiercely, making his pulse spike as he reflexively pulled her closer.

They parted and it was hardly enough time for Ajay to catch his breath and catch a glimpse of Grace’s warm brown eyes before she was pulling him in, his lips meeting hers again. She plunged her hands into his hair, and Ajay thought briefly that he’d have given anything to keep her hands there forever. He instinctively went to wrap his arms around her waist, and she broke their kiss to giggle.

“What?” he asked, pressing another kiss to her lips before she could answer.

“Tickles,” she responded, giggles overtaking her as she kissed him again on account of Ajay purposefully wiggling his fingers where they were on her waist. She buried her face in his neck, still giggling and playfully swatting his hands away. He stroked the top of her hair and held her in a tight hug around her shoulders instead, while she regained control of herself.

After a little while, she sat back up, and Ajay sorely missed having her in his arms. Her eyes sparkled, though, and she lifted her hand up to cover her mouth.

“I totally ruined that, didn’t I?” she said, the hint of a laugh still in her words.

“Nope, not at all,” Ajay replied truthfully, barely able to keep a smile off his own face. He loved the sound of her laugh, and he’d especially loved how it had felt against his lips and then against his neck when he tickled her. She somehow found a way to make everything fun, and it had lightened a heavy load on his heart. 

Ajay turned back to the screen as if it were only a second thought. 

“Oh, hell, we missed so much,” he said, pointing towards the screen. Grace fake-gasped and turned back around in her seat too, kicking her feet up on the dash and reclaiming Ajay’s hand in her own. She pressed a few kisses to his knuckles and he turned back to smile at her.

“We should probably watch the rest of the movie,” Grace said cheekily, knowing she had Ajay’s full attention again. “I mean, I paid ten whole dollars to get in here, the least we could do is finish the movie.”

Ajay nodded, and they both turned back to the screen. After a few minutes, during a quiet scene, Grace settled her head back on Ajay’s shoulder.

***

Just an hour later, Ajay was letting his car idle outside Grace’s house. After gathering her school stuff and theatre stuff into one bag, she sighed and looked back at him.

“I don’t wanna say goodnight yet,” she said, “but I’m really tired.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Ajay said regretfully, “and I still have to drive home.”

Grace sighed again, and then before Ajay knew it, she was leaning in close to him again. She kissed him softly, her fingers drifting down his neck and onto his shoulders, playing with his blazer’s lapels.

“Wait,” he said quietly once the kiss had ended, pulling her back in. Obligingly, she kissed him again, and then pulled back further.

“I’m really tired,” she said again, although the way her fingers lingered on his blazer told him otherwise.

“I want to tell them,” Ajay said. “Our friends, I mean. That I’m bi.”

Grace smiled. “Yeah? It’s about time.”

“You’ll be there for me? When I do?”

“Of course,” she replied, looking almost offended. “I’m the OG, remember?”

“How could I forget,” Ajay laughed. “Alright, goodnight. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams,” she replied, leaning in to kiss him one last time and then getting out of the car. He watched her as she walked up to her house, and she incredibly turned around and waved at him before she went inside.

Once she was out of sight, Ajay felt like his entire brain had exhaled.  _ Goddamn, _ he thought. His evening had not even remotely gone how he’d planned. But he wasn’t complaining.

He’d planned on getting home, eating dinner and trying to convince Mohit to watch any other episode of Animal Planet than the one he was fixated on. Coupled with a side of trying not to make eye contact with Jim and obsessing over all the mistakes he’d made while blocking The Tempest, before he fell asleep on his script around 1 am.

But what had he gotten? A chance to see one of his favorite movie musicals, extra time spent in non-family company, and then… just everything about his date with Grace. Extraordinary.

He still couldn’t quite believe it was real, if he was being honest with himself. He stared at himself in the mirror when he got home, but he didn’t look any different. He thought maybe he should, like something had fundamentally changed about him, but nothing was different. Besides the fact that his hair was sticking up a little bit in the back.

He quickly smoothed it down, practically feeling the ghost of Grace’s fingers in it. He couldn’t even begin to process what had happened, but as he drove home, he started to go back through the last few hours in his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's me, ya girl back at it again with another fic!! I hope you guys like this. I've written a good amount of it so far, so I'm gonna try to post a chapter twice a week. Let me know what y'all think!!


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